Friday, June 26, 2009

Pantleg Top Hat

::inhales deeply:: Ahh. The top hat! Of all hats the most authoritative, the most audacious -- a little tower of Babel, right there on your head. Starting from meager beaver-fur beginnings in the late 1700's, and enjoying the support of such men as Abraham Lincoln and Rich Uncle Pennybags...but now is this hat's finest hour, for it is made of a Pantleg at long last!

Ha. Is that enough to satisfy us, discerning reader? No, no no. Not until we have tapped every delicious drop of hidden potential.

That is right! I hear the gasps of women and children, I see tears on the cheeks of strong men. There are cookies in this hat -- warm and scrumptious and gooey chocolate chip cookies. When the Persians invented cookies in the 0600's (as everyone knows they did), I am sure they never imagined that their creation would end up here. In my hat -- and soon, in my mouth. Thank you, Persians! Thank you, Abraham Lincoln! If I rise above the crowd, it is only because I stand upon the shoulders of giants, and because my hat is so very, very tall.

P.S. I neglected to display a hat yesterday because I got home late because I was studying THE BIBLE, which is maybe the only acceptable explanation?

P.P.S. I will be at the Niagara Falls tomorrow! I will take a Pantleg with me, and we'll get some pix for the World Wide Web Log!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Pantleg Dinosaur Mask

Some have said that this mask looks like E.T. -- but for me it calls to mind some ancient time when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Roamed??? And why should they not have strode with some terrible purpose, perhaps late for a wedding or a casting call, their every footstep shaking the earth as they glanced at their pocket-watches? "Roamed" makes dinosaurs sound aimless and carefree, but this is the real world, bud, and we've all got responsibilities!

Dinosaurs, it is said, perished because their heads were too small for their bodies, and they lacked peripheral vision. From the photographs above, you can see that this is true. And yet, Behold! The graceful, slender neck of the Apatosaurus! Wearing this Pantleg puts me in a contemplative mood. I feel a kinship with Adam, with Job, and every other (un?)lucky person who encountered a living Leviathan -- but this time, I am the Leviathan...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Pantleg Fez

The fez (or similarly, more anciently, the tarboosh) is a hat with a long and storied history, culminating in its inevitable association with the Shriners. But through all of its many adventures, the fez was never crafted out of raw pantlegs and sheer ingenuity -- UNTIL NOW!!!

Observe the upward motion of the cap, sweeping (almost rushing) toward the knotted crown. And perching jauntily at the apex stands a tuft of fabric which calls to mind the turnips from some ancestral vegetable garden, or from Super Marios Bros 2.

An exact representation of the traditional fez? Perhaps not. An improvement in every way? I am compelled to say YES!

This is by no means the first hat into which the Pantleg was twisted -- but it is the first to be photographed, and the camera don't lie, so there ya go.

A New and Noble Purpose

Hai guise!

My mother cut a pair of sweatpants into shorts this afternoon, and guess what? She gave me the shattered remains of the pantlegs (isn't she a good mother? Yes she is!). Here is one of them:

The other one is strikingly similar. Now, I had a notion of using them as an ironic sort of sleeves, but that's obviously childish.

It did not take me many hours of experimentation to discover that these humble pantlegs can be transformed into a startling variety of hats!!!

I will proceed with my explorations and keep you posted on my progress.